On the day in court I lost my son, I didn’t know yet that I had lost him. I thought everything had gone according to plan; a good plan. Then on the way out of court, one of my shoes broke. Immediately after that, I began to feel in my spirit that what had happened was, indeed, very bad. And I was right.
So it’s become a running joke around these parts, pun intended, that if your shoes break, it’s a warning from God.
Today at work, both of my shoes broke. I was coming inside when the top part of my shoe totally broke loose from the sole. About ten minutes later, the other one broke. I ended up getting two bouts of bad news today, so I’m starting to think there’s something to this shoe thing.
I asked off work tomorrow for an event downtown I wanted to go to. And I’ve been so, so excited about it. I ordered a t-shirt specifically to wear to it. I had a few things lined up well in advance of things I wanted to do that day. I’ve told everyone about it. And if you’d been around me at all the last six weeks I’ve had to look forward to this, you’d be mindblown to hear I didn’t want to go.
The ministry I’ve been talking about will have somewhat of a beginning point tomorrow. I’ve prayed for this day, researched and researched, and prepared for it the way a mother would prepare for her new baby. This is the maturity God has called me for. This is the beginning of the 8eginning. A new life. Something to cradle and care for. This is what I’ve carried in my spirit that is now being brought forth into life.
But I don’t want to go.
I’ve wanted to go. I’ve wanted to walk into this calling. But now I want my shoes to break, so that I have a reason to turn away and run. And it’s all fear; fear of judgment, fear of ridicule, fear of being rebuked. And maybe, even though I say I want my shoes to break, I’m a little afraid they actually might. Then I’ll be really terrified of what I’m walking into.
I hobbled home after work and flopped down on the couch. I was frustrated over a lot of things. A lot of things… And I told the Lord I just wanted to be done.
I kicked off my shoes and they went flying across the living room. I was annoyed that I was going to have to get new ones, because you have to order a specific kind though work, and they aren’t cheap. I told my roommate this in aggravation and said, “I’ve worn them every day and worked in them for nearly a year. It was time for new shoes before they broke.”
She says, “They probably design them to break so you’ll have to get new ones.”
That’s what happens to shoes. They break. Or as we grow up, we grow out of them. As we work in them, we tear them. However they wear out, they just do.
Jesus tells us in Matthew 9 that we don’t fix old clothing with unshrunken garments, because the garment would pull away from the old clothing, leaving an even bigger tear. Then he goes on to say, “Likewise, new wine is not poured into old wineskin. If it were, the wineskin would break, and the wine ruin. Therefore, new wine is poured into new wineskin so that both are preserved.”
So I wonder, when shoes break… Is it because we put on a pair of shoes God never wanted us to walk in? Or is it because He has designed them to break and tear so we can be fitted with something brand shiny new? (And obviously, we aren’t talking about shoes anymore. Did you get that?)
So, dear friends, I hope your shoes break. I hope that as you’re walking to the bus stop, or you’re standing in the check-out line at Walmart, you’re waiting on your Big Mac, you’re running with scissors, you’re chasing the kids, whatever it is you’re doing… I hope your shoes break. Dear Jesus, let all of our shoes break. Let soles be torn away and heels pop off. And God willing, as our shoes are worn down to nothing but strings, may you be fitted with a brand new pair.