Wandering, Wondering…

I’m a single 23-year-old girl. That awkward song “I’m not a girl, not yet a woman” rings very true. I’m too old to be a kid and too young to be an adult. I’m still the baby of both of my circles of friends, and probably will be for a long time. All of my friends are married or are in serious relationships. I’m the only one left. I have shamefully given in to crushes before, but overall, I choose to be single. I think we’ve had this conversation before!

One book of the bible most people, myself included, don’t typically venture into is the Song of Solomon. I guess I never really read it carefully because it seemed out of place to me. A series of letters professing almost erotic love to someone? In the Word of God? Why? So on the night God told me to go read it, I was confused. I asked Him if He was sure. He laughed and said, “Yes. Just do it.” (I love to laugh. I love comedy. God has a sense of humor, and we laugh together all the time. It’s awesome.)

As I’m reading this misunderstood book, I find myself pulled into its contents, captivated by this picture of true love and blown away at some of the greatest Christian pick-up lines ever written. Ultimately, the book in its entirety paints a beautiful portrait of Christ’s love for the church. But to a 23-year-old girl, it was a closet to hide away a secret hope.

The two verses that tugged on my heart have resonated in my memory since I read them. The first was 5:16. It says, “His mouth is most sweet: yea, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, and this is my friend…”

A close friend, and a wise, married lady once said to me, “Jessie, you’ll know when you’ve found him. You’ll know because your fantasies about him won’t be sexual. You’ll fantasize about your life together with him.” I can see that. I believe this is true, because a marriage founded on lust is as weak as the house built on sand. But the first time I “fantasized” about a man in the sense that I thought I could grow old with him, it turned out horribly. And six months later, I’m wiping off the sweat and thanking God that I got out of the way of that bullet in time. Then back in college, I was engaged to a man who, about a year after we broke up, was in prison for a very serious crime. He made headlines all over Kentucky, and the moment I saw his face in a mugshot looking back at me on the front page of a newspaper was an intense eye opener. Just recently, I was beginning to wonder what was in me that was attracting so much garbage.

I don’t know if it will ever happen, or who it could possibly happen with. But what I do know, beyond any doubt, is that if I marry, I want to marry my beloved, and my best friend. And I want to snag both of those qualities in one shot!

Later, when the book is coming to an end, I read this in chapter eight: “Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave.” I’m convinced that of all the great scripture in the Word of God, no other verse comes close to describing the depths of God’s true and undying love for us. And in that verse, single guys and ladies, take heart. There is no soul mate set aside for us that could possibly come close to the passion of the Father, no romance that can wreck us like His unconditional love, and no significant other who is more jealous for us than the One who made us.

If you have that love of your life and you’re both committed to God, give Him praise for that. If you’ve chosen the single life, or you’re waiting, praise God. (Personally, I believe you’re a very wise individual.) No matter where you are in your love life, whether you’re single or you’ve been married fifty years, know that there is no lover like our God. There’s not a human being on this earth who longs to be with you like God longs to be with you. He will never hurt you, leave you, forsake you, forget you… He will never make a mistake, and He will never die. His love for you and me is everlasting. And who needs anything at all with a love like that?

Please don’t confuse my post and think I’m bashing marriage or relationships. I promise I’m not. A man who has found a wife has found a good thing. I don’t know anymore about dating, romance, or marriage now than I did the day I decided boys were cute. But I know the One who chases my heart without hesitance. What else could I possibly desire?

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